The Cab Driver

Did you tell them that you wanted to put that TV in the boot? No? Well it will be an extra two pounds on top of the fare. Come on, come on- what are you going to do... walk it across town? Get in. Now where to? Hulme? OK, I know the quickest route, we will get you there on the double-you must be eager to plug in your new TV. And what a beautiful machine it is as well.
What's that? You are giving it away? That's the most beautiful thing a man can ever do for a friend. I have given away many TV's myself. But sometimes people won't even take them. For example, recently I wanted to replace my old Sony big screen- 47 inches! So I called friend after friend after friend, but no one would have it. Why? Because it wasn't a flat screen, can you believe it? They would turn down this, only a few years old, because it wasn't the newest. They said it would take up too much space! Ha! Too much space, come on now. Well, since I couldn't get rid of it I put it in the garden shed, so that I could watch it when I'm outside. Perfect!
So now I have a TV in every room as well as one in the garden. My wife just doesn't understand. Women! Ha! Can you believe them? But when she has to go and use the toilet during the middle of Corrie, now she can turn on the little 19” Hitachi I mounted on to the wall. I know she thanks me- but she won't ever say say so. Women. Are you married? No? Well that's good, you're still young. My daughter has just started University, we're very proud. I gave her an old television for her room as well, it was no longer being used and she will need it. My other daughter is much younger, so I start driving early and get home by 3. She has a TV in her room also, never too young, right? She doesn't get the adult channels though, those are just for the living room. Ha! But don't tell my wife! Ha ha ha!
Well we're nearly there, let's hope they are home. Are they expecting you? Of course, of course- you wouldn't just come by with a TV in your arms if they weren't. Only a madman does that! Right?